Be My Escape
by StrawberiPai
Summary: Koenma is hopelessly depressed, stopped eating, stopped sleeping, and even started cutting. When he is forced to take a 'vacation' will he act on emotions he buried? Yaoi YusukexKoenma, child abuse, self abuse, anorexia, some drinking, maybe more


**Warnings!: Yaoi, self-injury, suicidal thoughts, teenage agnst coming from someone over 700 years old, and (in this chapter) heavy drinking.**

* * *

**Be My Escape**

_Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity and  
I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key  
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me  
And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going…_

Koenma had always been buried in his work, Yusuke knew that. Every time he saw him, on the phone or actually when he went to spirit world, Koenma was buried in paperwork. If Yusuke was told to sit down and do that much work, he'd probably jump in front of the nearest car right then. But no, Koenma was a good son; dutifully obeying Enma's every order. He didn't mind much, it wasn't a bad life, really, Stressful, maybe. Boring, for sure… But bad? No…

There were times when he imagined himself as Kurama or Hiei, even Kuwabara, being able to fight by Yusuke's side, aid him when he needed help. But that wasn't his life. The best he could do was gather together useless information that always turned out to be just as wrong as it was unhelpful. He knew Yusuke didn't like him very much, but he still wanted to help.a

That was exactly what he was doing now, while stamping papers. He imagined being of use to Yusuke on a mission, being thanked. He kept his Mafuukan tight in his teenage-forms mouth. He needed to make up for a good century of energy he had been putting into it, since he had tried to use it on Sensui. Again, he was useless. The spell barely grazed the former spirit detective…

Koenma sighed and kept stamping, not even reading works anymore. He was just going through the motions, as always. He hadn't eating in weeks. It wasn't as though he was trying to kill himself, but without George there to remind him to slack off, he simply didn't. He worked all through the day, barely slept, hardly ever ate, and didn't even speak unless he had too.

George had been gone for a few months now, he had quit. Koenma pretended not to mind, but somewhere down there it kind of hurt. George raised him, after all. He treated him badly, but George was his parent figure back when he actually _was_ a child, not when he just looked like one. Now the only person who brought any joy into his pathetic existence was Yusuke, who hated him… at best.

So here he was, sitting at his desk like always, in teenage form because people were rushing in and out. It wasn't that much trouble staying in that form; it was just a bit less energy he could have put towards his Mafuukan. Back when he was charging it, that was an issue, but now that it was already almost dead, it barely mattered. They weren't going to be able to use it to avert the crises anyway.

He hated people seeing him as a toddler, he didn't care how much energy he saved in that form. It was embarrassing. Funny thing was, he'd never noticed until Yusuke how much he hated being embarrassed. Maybe that was because before everyone had been afraid of him. No one dared laugh at him or call him demeaning names.

The phone rang; it was a call from Botan saying they had completed the mission. He could hear Yusuke in the background celebrating and Kuwabara was flashing a peace sign on the screen. Koenma nodded and thanked them for their good work in an official manner, nodding his head. Yusuke didn't even look over but he didn't mind.

They hung up; the group was going to celebrate, though Botan was going to come back to the spirit world to file her report before she joined them. Koenma got back to his paperwork. Stamp there, signatures there, no thinking involved really; the perfect job for Enma's screw-up of a son. Everyone thought so, and Koenma agreed. He messed up with Sensui as spirit detective, and now the new spirit detective hated him. He was on a roll at the one job he really had.

He sighed as Botan walked in but didn't greet her. The other ogres did, and then thought he didn't notice as they pointed at him and shot worried glances at the reaper. They were all worried about the king's son, who was getting worse as the weeks went on. He was getting thinner, sicklier. He never went back to his energy-saving form and he was bruising easier then ever.

"Koenma!" Botan said, ignoring the signals. Maybe she didn't notice, but more likely she had already realized. Koenma did his best to smile at her, but it was half-hearted.

"Good job on the case, Botan."

"Well, it was mostly Yusuke and the others." Botan said bashfully. "What are you doing in this form?"

"It's easier then switching back and forth." Koenma lied, brushing the hair out of his eyes. He flashed her a smile and took out his pacifier. "So how is our spirit detective?"

"Fairly good." Botan said. "The other demon had snapped his leg like a twig, but he was all better after a few minutes. It's amazing how fast he can heal now."

"Very good." Koenma said, looking back down at the work and starting again. Botan looked at his worriedly and looked to the demons for help, but none of them knew what to do either.

"Koenma sir…" She mumbles, and then forced a smile. "Why don't you come with me to Genkai's to celebrate the successful mission? You haven't eaten yet, have you?"

Koenma didn't tell her he hadn't eaten for several days now.

"I have too much work to take care of here."

"Oh come now, that's what ogres are for!" Botan said with a giggle, and Koenma noted several sad-looking ogres standing around her.

"I am not welcome there, anyway." Koenma said, smiling a bit. "Enjoy yourself, Botan. I have too much paperwork to take care of. Speaking of which, your report?"

Botan sighed, knowing a change of subject when she saw one.

"Right here, sir. Are you sure you wouldn't like to come?" she said. "You look like you could use a break."

"I'm fine, Botan. You're excused."

Botan sighed leaving Koenma's office, wishing she could help in some way. Everyone could tell something was wrong with the prince, but no one knew why he was hurting so much. That blue ogre had left, but no one really thought that was the problem. Botan believed it had something to do with Sensui. It was no secret that Koenma had cared for Sensui quite a bit, and felt as though he were the reason that the former spirit-detective ended up the way he did.

But how could she help him? She wanted to so badly. She wanted to tell Koenma that it wasn't his fault, but Koenma hadn't listened to anyone so far. Besides, it was obvious he didn't want to talk about it, but… He looked sick. Koenma cared so much about his appearance over the last two years; so the fact that he looked so sick in his teenage form was unlike him. In his child form, maybe, but the whole point of his second form, in his mind, was to look respectable.

It hurt to see him so thin and tired. She could even tell over the phone, telling him about the success of their mission, that he was not okay. She went back to Genkai's with a heavy heart, worried about the prince of spirit world.

The party was already in full-swing when she got there, which meant, in their terms, that Yusuke had already punched Kuwabara twice and Genkai had already hit Yusuke three times. She sat by the food and helped herself, talking to Keiko and Kurama, who were sitting down as well, watching. Hiei, of course, had left as soon as they were finished, much too distinguished for a celebration.

Eventually she was pulled aside by Kurama, who had noticed Koenma over the phone as well, it seemed.

"Is there something wrong in the spirit world, Botan?" he asked.

"Oh no! No of course not." Botan said playfully. "Why would you say that?""Koenma looked… strained over the communicator. I simply assumed…" Kurama explained.

"Oh that… yes… Koenma _hasn't_ been himself lately."

"Has something happened?"

Botan paused, and then shrugged.

"I have no idea. While I was there some of the ogres told me he stopped eating, and just sits there doing paperwork all day." Botan told him. "They say he barely even sleeps."

"And they have no idea why?"

Botan shook her head, just as perplexed as Kurama at Koenma's strange behavior. She sighed and lowered her head.

"I'm very worried… I tried to get him to come here today, but he refused." Botan said. "He said he wasn't welcomed here, and that he was too busy."

Kurama looked perplexed for a moment, and then he sighed as well. He looked worried.

"He's the Prince of Spirit World, that must be quite a bit of pressure." he said. "And I've heard rumors that King Enma is daunting when angered…"

"Yes, that's true… Koenma had a lot to deal with when he got back from helping Yusuke… He didn't tell anyone what happened, now that I think of it. We just assumed he received spankings."

There was a silence that hung for a few moments, and then Kurama spoke again.

"If he doesn't feel better soon, we may have to act. If Koenma's health is in danger…" he said. "I consider Koenma a friend, as does Yusuke. Perhaps he could stay in the human world for a few days."

"That wouldn't be bad for him." Botan said with a smile, but then she frowned. "But I don't think he'd agree with that at all. He's so caught up in his work."

"We'll find a way." Kurama promised, nodding. Even if Koenma weren't a friend, he would be worried. The prince of the spirit world was a key political figure. If word got out that he had been weak… That would make him a prime target to any demon who didn't like the Spirit World spreading farther.

They stayed like that for awhile, before deciding to get back to the celebrations. Botan promised to bring the issue up with Lord Enma if there were still problems.

* * *

Sure enough, not even three weeks later Botan was called in to see Prince Koenma to talk about Yusuke's next mission, which was another small one. When she walked in, she already knew something was wrong. All of the ogres were staring at her with helpless eyes, and one pulled her aside.

"George visited Lord Koenma the other day, madam… He's worried." Said a purple ogre. "He says he can't tell what's wrong, which was odd. He could always read the prince like a book until now."

"I understand, don't worry Jeff."

"I'm Mike!" the ogre said, obviously offended.

"Mike… Don't worry, I have a plan, but first I have to speak with Lord Koenma myself, and then perhaps even to King Enma."

The ogre, Mike, nodded and started scrambling to catch up with the paperwork he had been slacking on as Botan was told Lord Koenma was able to see her.

Koenma was sitting at his desk, like that was new, sorting through the papers he had gathered, which focused on the demons that had escaped into the living world and were wreaking havoc. He had really tried this time, and did manage to pull together quite a bit of information. Four demons, he knew their names and powers, which were in the human world torturing children around the region Yusuke lived in. He wished he had known the exact area, but they had no idea, which made him slightly embarrassed. One of two reasons he had Botan come in for the reports rather then relay them to Yusuke over the communicator. Just then Botan entered, and he saw her eyes widen.

And there was reason number two. He recognized he didn't look very exactly appealing right now. He hadn't left his desk for two days, but the last time he looked in a mirror he didn't like what he saw. He was pale, almost dead-looking, his eyes had deep, dark circles beneath them from his lack of sleep, and he knew he most of lost something around thirty pounds. Koenma was well aware of how sick he looked, but he had to continue working, even at the cost of his health. It wasn't like he was really gorgeous to begin with, he told himself.

"Good morning, Botan." He said quickly, anxious to get this over with. "I have some important information for a case I'd like Yusuke to work on."

"Yes… Lord Koenma…" Botan said. He could hear the worry in her voice, but she was a polite girl and wouldn't say anything, he could tell.

"Here are the papers, he can bring them to him and have him go through them." He tried to lighten the mood. "If he can read them, that is."

Botan nodded and took the papers, but didn't move. Koenma had gotten back to the paperwork the second she took them, and it took him a few moments to look up.

"That's all, Botan." He told her politely.

"Sir, how would you like to come to the human world? Just for a bit?" she blurted. Koenma barely blinked.

"I already told you I was too busy." He said, reading his papers. "Besides, there is no reason for it."

"You're looking awfully sick…" Botan said, biting her lip. "I could speak to your father on your beha--"

"No!" Koenma yelled, shaking his head. "He would just be angry, Botan. Laziness is not tolerated."

Botan blinked… Since when did Koenma talk like this? His hands were shaking as he sorted through papers, until he sighed with frustration and placed them back down.

"Lord Koenma, we're all worried about you." She said desperately, but Koenma just shook his head.

"Don't be." He said simply, not looking up. "I'm just fine. Those children are the ones you should be worrying about. Bring Yusuke the information."

The former grim reaper nodded and frowned as she headed out, closing the door behind her. Koenma sighed, and swabbed away the tears that had formed in his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. Sniffling a bit, he returned to his work. He didn't need Botan to worry about him. There was too much else to do.

* * *

Lord Enma was a little less-than-understanding when Botan asked him about his son. He didn't understand why everyone seemed to be asking about Koenma's health. Obviously he was taking care of everything. Botan had to talk to him a bit to calm him down before he'd listen to reason.

"That damn ex-nanny ogre came in as well, asking about my son." Enma said, furrowing his brow. "I supposed, perhaps the ogre's could take care of his paperwork for a few weeks."

Botan nodded and thanked the lord of the spirit world, and quickly went to inform the others. Enma said he would talk to his son about it that night, and the next week he would be escorted to Genkai's place. Of course, there was one problem.

"I will not leave my son defenseless. An already rather weak child, and as you tell me he has gotten weaker." Enma had said, crossing his arms. "He'd be a walking target to any demon or spirit-enlightened human who came across him."

"I will take care of it, your Excellency." Botan promised. "He will be guarded at all times, I assure you."

* * *

And so, a week later, Yusuke rolled his eyes as he waited for Koenma to be passed off like a baton in a relay race. Next to him there was Botan, waiting patiently with her hands behind her back, Kurama who was reading a book, and Genkai who was standing as if ready for a fight. Botan had explained the situation to everyone, about how sick and work-obsessed Koenma had gotten. Yusuke could definitely believe it, Koenma always seemed like the stressed-out type, but he didn't really want to believe that Koenma was really _sick_. He was probably just crabbier then ever.

"Why doesn't he just take a nap like all the other toddlers?" he had asked when Botan told him, and was answered by a swift slap to the back of his head. Nonetheless, Koenma was coming. All Yusuke had to do was watch over him and make sure nothing tried to eat him, while Botan and Kurama would try to convince him to eat and relax, two things he seemed to have forgotten how to do.

Koenma's arrival wasn't very dramatic. One moment he wasn't there, the next moment he was. There was a man behind him, one of the ones who had tried to kill Yusuke only a few months ago. Neither of them spoke as Botan started talking about everything they were going to do to help Koenma relax. Yusuke could see through the boy's eyes that the toddler was _not_ happy about this one bit. He was in his teenage form, but… Botan was right, he looked ill. Like someone who would be sitting in a hospital in a white gown, not wearing five layers of some expensive cloth. He actually felt a small glimmer of guilt for thinking everyone was overreacting. Koenma was _really_ sick.

After ten or so minutes the Special Forces operative left in a flash and Koenma was walking towards him. Yusuke did his best to put on a smile, but it was sarcastic and Koenma could see the held in emotions in Yusuke's eyes.

"Hey, buddy. How yah feelin?" he asked, standing up. Koenma didn't answer. "Koenma?"

"He's giving us the silent treatment." Botan whispered.

"He's whining that we made him leave his cozy little office." Genkai said, not even trying to whisper. Koenma made to signal that he heard, even though he obviously had to.

"It's going to rain soon." Kurama pointed out, trying to calm everyone down. Yusuke didn't know why everyone was so high-strung. "We should get inside before it starts, don't you agree?"

Genkai nodded and they started back to her house on the mountain. There was a spiritual barrier around it so Koenma could not have just appeared there. They started walking, Koenma keeping his head low. He looked tired. It was a half-hour later when he passed out. They were heading up the slope of the mountain, and his exhausted undernourished body couldn't take the stress. He didn't say anything to anyone about feeling pain or anything of the sort. He just kept walking until Yusuke saw him waver.

"Koenma?" he asked. "You all right?"

And it was that exact moment that Koenma fell backwards, his dark-circled eyes closing. Luckily, Yusuke was standing behind him and was able to catch him easily, but everyone was surprised. He had been masking his life energy with his spirit energy; he didn't want anyone to notice how weak it was. Yusuke cursed and they kept moving, him carrying Koenma bridal-style, afraid that he would break the prince's ribs if he threw him over his shoulder.

"Idiot…" Yusuke mumbled. "I'm going to yell at you about this when you wake up."

"He really is weak…" Kurama said, feeling for Koenma's life energy… There was barely a wave in his keen senses. "We'll have to resort to desperate matters quickly if we want him to even live…"

Botan looked as if she were about to cry as they set Koenma on a futon and Genkai started healing him as best as she could.

"I-I didn't know it was that bad… He was hiding it… Koenma's spirit energy is so strong he was able to cover up his lack of life energy…"

"But why didn't he just transfer it? Koenma is over seven hundred years old, he must know how…" Kurama already knew the answer to his own question, and so did everyone else in the room.

"You guys don't really think Junior was trying to off himself, do you?" Yusuke asked.

There was a resounding silence that filled the room for a few moments, only to be broken by Koenma groaning a bit. Genkai turned the them, and nodded.

"He'll be fine for now." she said with a stern face. "He's just unconscious."

Everyone nodded, and Yusuke walked over to the prince. He looked so innocent, in his teenage form still from sheer force of will. His dark hair fell over his "Jr" tattoo, while his face looked… handsome? Yusuke couldn't really believe he was thinking that, but it was true. He looked rather cute, his mouth only slightly open, letting in slow breaths. He just stared at Koenma's face for a moment, and then sighed. In the background he could hear Kurama and Genkai talking about Koenma's health.

"Well, we're gonna help him." He said confidently, as if he were about to go fight a demon. "So we don't have to worry about anything. He'll be fine."

Everyone in the room nodded, but no one said a word. Maybe they doubted Yusuke, and the spirit detective didn't blame them for it. Keonma was a wreck. He looked like he was about to die any minute now. But _he_ believed it, so he kept hope.

* * *

When Koenma woke up later that day, he still wasn't speaking much, though he did start talking a little bit. However, all he used his voice for was turning down meals and saying he didn't wish to talk about his health. He settled himself in his room and sat by the window staring outside most of the day, looking striking as he ignored Kurama and Botan's attempts to speak to him.

Whenever Yusuke saw him, which was once every few hours as he passed Koenma's room, his eyes were closed, and he was leaning his cheek against his open palm, his elbow on his knee to keep his head up, sitting in front of the window. The sun gave his russet hair a glowing edge like a halo, and when the window was open his clothes would flutter with the breeze that it created. Koenma himself didn't move much.

Of course Yusuke didn't get a chance to talk to the prince himself for a few days. Genkai had taken these few weeks where he had to stay with her as a chance to get in some more training, which was harsh. When he did pass by Koenma's room, the prince was sleeping, Kurama was speaking to him, or Yusuke was too tired to walk in and talk to him. And it wasn't as if he felt like he could help much, either way. He had no idea what was wrong with his boss.

The first time they were able to speak, it was actually because Kurama thought it may be a good idea if Yusuke asked Koenma to eat. Everyone else had tried and came up with a resounding 'no thank you'. So, he sent Yusuke to ask.

When Yusuke didn't find the kid in his room, he actually got a bit worried. Koenma might have left the barrier. He seemed desperate to run away and here was his chance, when no one had been watching him. The spirit detective checked to see if Koenma had went to the bathroom, but he was no where to be found until Yusuke looked out the window. There, Koenma was lying on his back under a large tree. At first he thought that the prince had passed out again, until he saw Koenma's hand move upwards and saw him catch a falling leaf.

"YO KOENMA!" He yelled out the window. He jumped out, even though he was on the second floor, landed on his feet, and then he proceeded to run over to the brunet. "What are you doing out here?"

There was a long pause and Yusuke figured that Koenma was still giving most of them the silent treatment, so he moved on.

"We're having dinner, wanna come on in and eat for a change?" he asked, cocking his head with a smile.

"No thank you." Came Koenma's customary response.

"Well why not, Jr?" Yusuke asked, placing his hands on his hips. "Genkai's done a lot to make sure you don't die, it'd be nice if you helped her out once in awhile."

Koenma shook his head and crushed the leaf in his hand, back to silence. Yusuke sighed and sat down.

"Look I know that Kurama and Botan and everyone are being annoying, but they're worried. We all are."

Koenma turned his head, no longer giving Yusuke the silent treatment, he was just speechless. Yusuke was worried? Is that what he was saying? About _him_?

"I don't wanna pretend I have any clue what's up with you because I obviously don't, but hurting yourself can't really solve anything, unless you want to die." Yusuke sighed again. "And hell, maybe you do. You sure are doing a great job at killing yourself."

Koenma nodded, looking up at Yusuke. The Mafuukan was in his mouth, as it had been for the past few days. Every once and a while he would let a few words slip out, so he placed it in to remind him not to speak unless he had to. But now he took it out.

"I don't… _want_ to die, really." He said, lowering his head as he sat up. It wasn't as much of a challenge to sit up anymore, since Genkai had helped him (forced him) to convert some spirit energy into life energy. "I'm just sick of living _my_ life."

"What's so bad about your life that you'd just give up on living?" Yusuke asked, peering over his shoulder at Koenma, who had put the damn pacifier back in his mouth already. There was silence, but he didn't give in. "Well if you don't like it, you should just change it. Don't go off and stop eating just because you're frustrated."

Koenma shrugged, and pulled one knee in close to rest his arm on.

"It used to be that only George saw this side of me, Yusuke." He told his spirit detective with a serious voice. Yusuke thought that was the only time Koenma had called the blue ogre by his name. "But now everyone knows how pathetic I really am."

The spirit detective said nothing, wanting Koenma to go on. "That's the part where you were supposed to butt in and say I'm not pathetic." Koenma joked, just then he continued. "I just don't have any incentive to do what everyone wants me to do. Eating, sleeping… I'm not used to it. I _like_ working. As long as there's something to do…"

He cut himself off, realizing he'd already said too much and started fiddling with his Mafuukan. Yusuke took this hint and spoke himself.

"You're frustrating, you know that right?" Yusuke asked with a small laugh. "I wish you were strong like Kuwabara so I could just knock some sense into you. But if I hit you, I might end up killing you."

"Very funny." Koenma said sarcastically, and for a moment Yusuke felt like it was going to be okay.

"Just come inside and eat, already." Yusuke told him, patting him on the back lightly. Koenma looked up and shook his head.

"If I eat now, they'll make a big deal out of it." He predicted, and Yusuke knew that he was right.

"I'll tell them not to say anything about it." Yusuke promised. "Kuwabara is coming too. We'll talk; you won't have to say a word. You've gotten pretty good at that."

Koenma nodded, and as Yusuke stood up, he did as well. He didn't know why he let Yusuke talk him into eating when he hadn't even paid attention when other people tried… Then again, how could he ever just ignore Yusuke? He even went as far as to talk to him and use more then three or four words. Was it because of what Yusuke said, Koenma wondered? Was he really so obsessed with the dark-haired boy that all he needed was a few comforting words before he spilled his heart out? It's not like Yusuke even meant it the way Koenma wanted him to.

_'Oh well.'_ Koenma sighed. _'It's not like it will change anything. Just because Yusuke says he cares doesn't mean…'_

The two of them walked into the kitchen, and while Genkai remained emotionless, Kurama smirked and winked at Yusuke, Botan's eyes lit up like Christmas, and Kuwabara looked… anxious?

_'Oh that's right; he hasn't seen me for a month or two…'_ Koenma thought. _'I wonder if they told him that I looked like hell.'_

"Okay guys, he'll eat as long as no one talks about it." Yusuke said to everyone, which was definitely _not_ as subtle as Koenma had hoped he would be.

At the very least, however, it did help get the job done. As Koenma sat down and looked at his food no one said a word about it. On the other hand, the entire room was silent. He didn't move. Too much attention.

"So Kuwabara what have you been up too?" Yusuke asked, seeing how uncomfortable Koenma was with the silence.

After that conversation picked up a bit, and no one was paying attention to Koenma anymore as he had a total of seventeen bites of the meal in front of him. It felt so foreign to have anything in his mouth besides the Mafuukan. It had been weeks since food had been in him at all. It was so… awkward.

"Koenma want some?" Yusuke asked, holding up a bottle of whiskey.

The Prince had never drunk before in his life, so he shook his head no. He didn't think he could handle it right now anyway. Yusuke nodded and started passing out the drinks. Koenma excused himself to his room.

On the way he avoided the mirrors, he had memorized the placement of them when he first arrived so he wouldn't accidentally see himself. He was so tired and yet he couldn't sleep, so he sat on his bed as usual, filled with energy from his meal but lacking in energy from sleep. He ended up playing solitaire on top of his bed with his legs crossed. Eating had really helped him, though he wouldn't admit it anytime soon he hoped. He could now sit up without being in pain. Even though his stomach felt uncomfortable after that meal, he was able to find peace working with his hands again. As the voices in the next voice grew louder and more indistinguishable, he played on.

He heard Botan had passed out around a half-hour after he left, Yusuke was laughing about what a lightweight she was. Kurama left shortly after, though it sounded to Koenma like he hadn't had much to drink, a glass at most, and he was not inebriated at all. Another hour past and the three (Genkai, Yusuke, Kuwabara) where still drinking, until Kuwabara went home. Koenma had wom four games, lost two, and was frustrated that he had lost two to begin with so kept playing to prove himself.

After Kuwabara left Genkai said 'dimwit' loud enough for Koenma to hear five or six times and then went off to sleep herself. After a few moments Koenma heard a knock at his door, and then Yusuke walked in.

He looked pretty good, considering he had been drinking for the past hour and a half. He didn't seem very drunk at all, really. He smiled at Koenma and held up the bottle.

"Still half left. You sure you don't wanna try some?" he offered. His hair was down, and wet, though Koenma didn't know why. His eyes were sparkling and Koenma stepped aside without thinking, letting Yusuke enter his room.

_'What am I __**doing**__?'_ he asked himself, but ignored it as he walked back to his bed, where Yusuke was standing looking at the cards.

"Wanna play?" he asked. "I'm really good, even when I'm smashed I beat my mom and all of her tranny friends."

"Sure." Koenma said, smiling a bit. Anything to get out of the game he was just playing, that he was sure he was going to lose.

"Wanna make it fun?" Yusuke asked, shaking the bottle of whiskey. "Ever played King and Blood?"

* * *

It was only twenty minutes later, and Koenma's mind was already fuzzy under the influence of the mild whiskey. Yusuke seemed fine, even though he had drawn five red's in a row. The game was stupid, juvenile, Koenma told himself over and over, but Yusuke was sitting across from him on his small bed, his legs crossed. He always got this cute, funny little look on his face whenever he was about to pick up a card.

The game was so simple it was funny. Spread out off the cards. Pick up a black card, you don't drink, pick up a red card, you drink two gulps. Pick up a king, and you had to drink five gulps. So far Koenma had gotten one king, three reds, and six blacks. Yusuke, on the other hand, had picked up two kings, six reds, and only two blacks.

But, Yusuke was much better at holding alcohol then Keonma, who discovered he was a 'lightweight' like Botan after his first king. With only four cards left, the person who picked up the last king had to finish the bottle. Koenma prayed to his own father that it would be Yusuke, because every time Yusuke made that cute, funny little face, he burst out in drunken giggles which embarrassed him, but he could no longer control his own actions. Whenever he did this, he'd cover his mouth and Yusuke would smirk, but he was obviously much more sober then Koenma had thought. Where did all that alcohol _go_?

"You're really a small fry when it comes to drinking, huh?" Yusuke asked when Koenma fell off the bed while laughing. "At least you're a happy drunk, but you'd think since you're over 700 or something you'd hold your whiskey better."

"giggle I've never… Nevvver…. Snort drank anything before in my life…" Koenma said, covering his red face. "It's… it's really strong."

Yusuke looked at the bottle and then down at Koenma, then burst out in laugher and picked up a black card, smirking.

"Mines black, Princess." He said with a smirk. "You're turn."

Surprisingly, though not so much so, Koenma laughed at being called 'princess' and sat up, picking up the first card he touched, then fell backwards laughing like a maniac. He sighed and grabbed the bottle, holding up the final king, the king of hearts.

After drinking what was left of the whiskey, Koenma was dizzy, but also exhilarated. So much so that he badgered Yusuke until they went outside to sit under the stars. Yusuke wondered if he had done the right thing.

First, he purposely got Koenma drunk. It was obvious that Jr. couldn't hold his liquor to save his life, and Yusuke knew it by the looks of him. Honestly, he thought it would be funny. Besides, he didn't want to go to bed and Koenma never slept anyway. But man, seeing how giddy Koenma got when he was wasted was worth the trouble, for sure. Koenma looked really adorable, too. In a silly way. His face was red, his tired eyes seemed excited and he was smiling like no ones business. It felt good to see Koenma happy, even if it was just because he was drunk.

But even beyond that, he wasn't sure taking Koenma outside at one in the morning, drunk, was the best idea he's ever had. But Koenma kept bugging him, because apparently he didn't want to go alone. Koenma took off running the moment they went outside, and Yusuke chased after him. He realized that the Prince was running towards the river, and he was afraid he'd try to jump in.

"Koenma!" he called after him. Koenma was laughing and actually _did_ look like he was about to jump in, and then he turned to Yusuke.

"Were you scared?" he asked, stifling a laugh.

Yusuke's cheeks reddened a bit and he swatted (very softly) at the back of Koenma's head.

"Don't _do_ that." He said, sitting down beside the river. Koenma followed his lead, smiling at him. Then they both looked out at the water. Then Koenma started laughing again. "Koenma? What are you laughing about now?"

"Just thinking." Koenma said, his laughter hurting his ribs now.

"About what?"

"It's just so _funny_. Everything…" he laughed. "My entire life is a joke!"

Yusuke's face turned serious, while Koenma was still smiling, though it wasn't reaching his eyes as much anymore. The laughing paused for a moment, and he took a deep breath.

"What do you mean 'your life is a joke'?" he asked, and Koenma started giggling again.

"I'm supposed to be some ruler, some prince!" he laughed. "But I'm so worthless, it's funny! I don't help anyone, I'm weak, and I can't even kill myself right!"

He kept laughing, and it was starting to worry Yusuke. He couldn't see Koenma's face, but he reached for his hand in the dark.

"Even my father thinks I'm a joke." Koenma said, his laughter dead now, but only for a moment, and then he started again. "It's so…._ funny!_"

Then Yusuke heard it; a small sniffle that broke between the giggles. He reached out, and turned Koenma's face up to him so he could see it better. And there it was. Koenma was smiling; his face red from alcohol, and streaked with tears. He looked surprised that Yusuke had touched him, and then pulled away.

"You shouldn't do stuff like that." He said, giggling lightly, though it sounded forced now. "Or I'll have the ogre's cut off your hands as punishment for touching me."

"Koenma… You aren't worthless." Yusuke said, looking over at the prince, who didn't say anything.

And then Koenma buried his face into Yusuke's green jumpsuit. He heard a sob, and then another as Yusuke wrapped his arms around Koenma's malnourished form. Koenma's hands gripped at Yusuke's shirt, and Yusuke felt helpless. Like Koenma was holding onto him for his very sanity… It was too much.

"Hey Junior I--"

"I just wanted to… wanted to make it up to everyone." Koenma cried out from under Yusuke's shirt. "I can't do anything right… If I did the paperwork and the re… research… As long as I keep working, I felt like I wasn't worthless. Even if it was just… just for a little while."

There was an almost-laugh, a chuckle maybe, from Koenma, but it died quickly. Yusuke sighed and wrapped his arms tighter around Koenma's body. He was so thin. It scared him. He looked down at the top of Koenma's head, seeing a mop of brown hair but nothing else because his face was hidden in his shirt.

"Do you really think you're worthless?"

"I am." Koenma replied, curling up. "I only have one… one job that I am proud of… And that's the spirit detectives… A-and I ruined that."

"Hey, you screwed up with Sensui, sure. But I'm still here." Yusuke said almost defensively.

There was silence, and then another sniffle.

"And what use am I to you? All… All I do is sc-screw up and mess up information." he said, lowering his head even more then he already had. "I'm useless to you, and you c-can't stand me. I know you hate me."

Yusuke shook his head, wanting to make Koenma feel better, and wondering where these thoughts had come from. Was he _that_ mean to the king's son? Not really. He was rude to everyone. That was how he related to people. Didn't Koenma realize that? Maybe… He sighed and lifted Koenma up, forcing the brunet to look him in the eye. But Koenma wouldn't do it that easily; he kept his eyes on the dew-wet grass instead.

"Look you spoiled prince." He said, and he could visibly tell that hurt Koenma a bit more as the boy flinched and another tear ran down his pale cheek. "I don't hate you. I can't stand you_ most of the time_, but that doesn't mean I hate you. I've always considered you a friend."

Koenma's eyes welled over even more, and he struggled against Yusuke's arms a bit. Yusuke let go and the prince buried his face again. His head hurt, he was so dizzy, and he felt like he was going to vomit the only meal he'd eaten in a month.

"Let's go back insi--"

And then he felt a pair of soft lips against his own. Koenma's lips. On his. Yusuke froze, not knowing what to do. His eyes widened, and he could see Koenma's were closed. The first thing he thought was that it was a joke, but then Koenma's hands loosened around his clothes and he moaned a bit. It only lasted a few seconds, and then Koenma passed out in the spirit detectives arms like that. Yusuke blinked, not understanding what happened, but then chocked it up to how much Koenma drank as he lifted the prince up.

"We'll have to make you a lot of coffee tomorrow, lightweight." He sighed.

* * *

A/N: Hey! New Story! Awesome... ANYway, I hope you guys like this story. I JUST got around to watching the final episodes of the Sensui saga (OMG YOU CAN WATCH STUFF ON THE INTERWEBZZZ?! I never knu dat!! Duh) and this pairing just... snapped for me. It seems blatantly obvious to me that, in the show, Koenma has a crush/fanboy obsession with Yusuke... So I expanded on that, and also decided to ruin his life, too...

I hope you guys like the story, and I hope new chapters come out quick and reliable. I'm one of the weirdo's who actually post MORE once school starts, so... Yeah. If I don't get TOO swamped with work (which it doesn't look like I will be) chapters WILL come out every 2-3 weeks? Sooner? Later? I won't try to set deadlines because then the story WILL die. Please Favorite and REVIEW!! I love hearing opinions of the story and directions you would like it to go in!!

PS: Did you guys enjoy Drunk Koenma as much as I did? I hope he came off as adorable as I meant him to. I may have to draw it to get the FULL point across about just HOW CUTE he was meant to look.


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